Holidays on the Enterprise
by PearlGirl
Summary: This used to be called An Easter Story. Now it's about lots of different holidays with your favorite crew. R/R!!!!
1. In which preparations are made

Disclaimer-I don't own Star Trek, but it sure would be fun if I did. Maybe not to  
the readers of course, but to me it would be. Hee, hee.  
  
(A/N-Please make sure you read the explanation of the story before you read the  
actual story. Otherwise you may not know what you're getting yourself into. Tavia is my  
inspiration, and I recomend her stories. I tried not to copy, but if this reminds you  
of her stories, well now you know why. Just one more thing, promise. Instead of  
calling all my ensigns "Ensign", I always use one, called Ensign Snodgrass. Don't  
ask where I got the name, cause I don't know. It just sounds like the name of  
someone everyone overlooks. And now, without farther ado:)  
  
AN EASTER STORY  
  
Chapter 1. In which preparations are made.  
  
Author-(From backstage) Now, before we begin, I would like to remind all of you  
that this had better not be strange. I want a nice story. All of you have to improve.  
  
Kirk-Come on, this is the Enterprise! It's not a normal Starship.  
  
Author-I don't care! Just try to follow the script!  
  
Sulu-But the Narrator stole mine!  
  
Narrator-No I didn't! Well, maybe I did. But you can't have it!   
  
Author-Narrator?  
  
Narrator-(Glumly) Fine.  
  
Sulu-Hey! You spilled coffee on it.  
  
Author-Now I'm going to get the camera rolling, and I don't want anything weird,  
OK?  
  
All but Author-OK!  
  
Narrator-(Comes on stage) This is called: An Easter Story. The title is stolen from  
the movie A Christmas Story. The only difference between them is that they're  
totally different. Raise the Curtains! (The curtains are raised)  
  
Narrator-The scene is the bridge, with all the bridge crew.  
  
Uhura-I just realized, Easter is in 4 days!  
  
Kirk-I knew that too!  
  
Chekov-That's because it's in the script.  
  
McCoy-(On the bridge, as usual) Hey, I have an idea. Lets do something for  
Easter.  
  
Kirk-(Sarcastically)What are you going to do? Get little bunnies that dance  
around, giving everyone Easter eggs?  
  
McCoy-That was actually very good sarcasm. I don't think I could have done  
better.  
  
Kirk-(Bows)Why, thank you.  
  
Uhura-Oooh! Lets have an Easter egg hunt!  
  
All except Uhura and Spock- Uhhhhhh... Right.  
  
Uhura-(Pouting) How come you always do what your Captain says, but when I  
suggest something you think I'm weird?  
  
Chekov-That's because you are weird. (Uhura glares at him)  
  
McCoy-And besides, that's not true. We don't always agree with Jim just because  
he's the Captain.  
  
Kirk-Hey! I have an idea. We could have an Easter egg hunt!  
  
Sulu-Sounds fun.  
  
McCoy-Let's do it.  
  
Uhura-(Looking sour) That's a wonderful idea, Captain. How did you manage to  
think of that all by yourself?  
  
Kirk-(Smiling) I don't know. I amaze even myself sometimes.   
  
McCoy-We can have it on Easter. (Turns to Spock) Soooo, Spock! Are you going  
to participate or say that hunting for Easter eggs it an illogical human pastime  
that you want no part in?  
  
Spock-I believe I shall go with the latter, doctor.  
  
McCoy-Come on! What's illogical about hunting for Easter eggs?  
  
Spock-Do you mean, besides the fact that you'd be spending countless hours  
going around the entire ship, or that it's illogical to hide something, then find it  
again, or that-  
  
McCoy-(Interrupting) Yes, besides all those things, Spock.  
  
Spock-I have more productive things to do.   
  
McCoy-Pray tell, what do you have to do that's more logical?  
  
Spock-I am working on bypassing the physical chemical by products of  
hard-based nutrolium that reside in the gas of-  
  
McCoy-(Interrupting again)Fine, you unemotional Vulcan! Barricade yourself up  
in your room! Never celebrate or have fun, for all I care! Be logical if that's what  
you want!  
  
Spock-Thank you, Doctor. I will do as you suggested. (Spock leaves. McCoy is  
fuming)  
  
McCoy-(Fuming) Who does he think he is?  
  
Kirk-(suppressing a smile) An unemotional Vulcan?  
  
Uhura-So, does anyone have plastic eggs that we could put jelly beans in and  
hide?  
  
Computer-I could replicate that. Please specify amount.  
  
Chekov-Let's go with, 30 eggs?  
  
Sulu-Sounds good. (30 eggs appear)  
  
Kirk-Who's going to hide them?  
  
McCoy-(Smiling) I will.  
  
Uhura-But you're searching for them!  
  
McCoy-So?  
  
Kirk-Sulu, go find a random ensign and tell him to hide the eggs.  
  
Sulu-Yes sir. (Grabs the eggs that the computer produced, and looks at them)  
Wow! You even made them different colors.  
  
Computer-(Smugly) I'm more then just a hunk of metal, you know.  
  
McCoy-Yeah, you're a hunk of metal with a voice box.  
  
Computer-Hmmmmpf!  
  
Kirk-And an attitude.  
  
Narrator-Later the same day, Ensign...... What's your name?  
  
Snodgrass- Why does everyone forget my name? Is it really that hard to  
remember? It's Ensign Snodgrass.  
  
Narrator-Can you say something other then a question? Anyway, later the same  
day. Ensign....Oh yeah, Snodgrass was walking along the corridors, with a basket  
of plastic eggs in his hand.  
  
Snodgrass-(Muttering to himself) Hide theses eggs, he said. Why? Where? All I  
know is that they have jelly beans inside them. Hmmmmm. Well, I'll hide them in  
a easy place. Everybody will think to look for them in a refrigerator!  
  
Narrator-Snodgrass enters the mess hall and finds a refrigerator that hasn't been  
used since the invention of the replicators.  
  
Snodgrass-This should work. Hmmmm. I wonder if plastic eggs need to be kept  
cold?  
  
Refrigerator-No, stupid!  
  
Snodgrass-Hey! You can talk!  
  
Refrigerator-Hey, so can you! It's a small world. Lots of things can talk.  
  
Snodgrass-Errrr. Well, I've never met a talking refrigerator before.   
  
Refrigerator-Well, I've never met an ensign that's not dead before either.  
  
Snodgrass-Oh. Well-  
  
Refrigerator-(Not paying attention) Nobody's talked to me for years. I'm just  
sitting here, collecting dust! Sheeesh! That's not my job! (Getting angry) You'd  
think someone would notice me and at least dust me or something!  
  
Snodgrass-Errr.... Can I put these eggs in you?  
  
Narrator-At this minute, James T. Kirk walks by. He stops by the ensign.  
  
Kirk-Hi, errrrrr Ensign.......?  
  
Snodgrass- Snodgrass, sir.  
  
Kirk-Oh course. Are you done hiding the eggs?  
  
Snodgrass-Almost, sir. I was just talking to the refrigerator.  
  
Kirk-(Gives him a strange look) Righhhhht. Sure. You just go ahead, then. (Kirk  
leaves rather quickly)  
  
Refrigerator- Sure. I guess storing plastic eggs is a better job than collecting dust.  
  
Snodgrass-Great!(He places the basket of eggs in the refrigerator)  
  
Narrator-Now we go to Kirk, just after his meeting with the ensign.  
  
Kirk-(Muttering to himself as he walks) Talking to a what? Did he say  
refrigerator? Talking to a refrigerator? Oh well, I can worry about the ensign's  
mental health later.  
  
Narrator- Kirk enters Spock's corridors. Spock is meditating.  
  
Kirk- Spock? Am I interrupting you?  
  
Spock- You are interrupting my meditating, Captain.  
  
Kirk- Errrrr.... Can I interrupt your meditating?  
  
Spock- You have already done so. What is it that you require?  
  
Kirk- Could you make some sort of weird device that could track plastic eggs like  
this? (Holds up an egg)  
  
Spock- Has the egg been in contact with any electronic devices?  
  
Kirk- Well, the computer replicated it.  
  
Spock-That would be sufficient. (Takes egg) I believe I could transfigure the  
atoms, making them detectable to the tracer. Then by matching the light waves-  
(Kirk is looking impatient) But I suppose the details do not interest you?  
  
Kirk-(Smiling) You know humans well.  
  
Spock- Being around them for many years causes you to predict their reactions.  
One question, Captain. Why do you want to track plastic eggs?  
  
Kirk-(Innocently) Oh.... no reason.  
  
Spock- If you have no reason, then why are you-  
  
Kirk-(Interrupting) I want to....to..to study plastic eggs more! Yeah, that's it.  
  
Spock-I can recommend more thorough studying methods-  
  
Kirk-(Interrupting again) Well, I want to study them this way. Will this device  
allow me to track any plastic eggs that were replicated?  
  
Spock-Yes, Captain. (Opens his mouth to explain how this is possible, but then  
decides that Kirk probably doesn't care)  
  
Kirk-Don't tell me how it works, because I don't care.  
  
Spock-I had assumed as much.  
  
Kirk-How long will it take?  
  
Spock-I can only estimate. Perhaps, 3.4 days.  
  
Kirk-(Sarcastically) And that's only a rough estimate.  
  
Spock-I have previously stated that, Captain.  
  
Kirk-Thank you, Mister Spock. (Leaves)  
  
Narrator-Spock begins poking at the egg with various instruments. One causes  
the egg to turn blue and emit smoke.  
  
Spock-Fascinating!  
  
(A/N-I hope you liked it. I'll try to get the next part up before Easter so you can  
read it on Easter. Remember: ALWAYS REVIEW!!!!! I want your opinions and/or  
suggestions for future stories. I love your suggestions! They're hilarious! 


	2. In which everyone cheats

Narrator-It is 4 days later, in other words, Easter! Sulu, Chekov, Uhura, McCoy  
and Kirk have gathered on the bridge. Kirk is holding something that looks like a  
metal stick with beeping lights in his hand.  
  
McCoy- Jim, what's that?  
  
Kirk-(Hastily) Nothing.  
  
Narrator- Kirk puts it into his pocket.  
  
Kirk- Hey! I don't have any pockets!  
  
Narrator- Just pretend! Come on, we don't have enough money in the budget to  
sew pockets onto your pants. Even if we did, we wouldn't waste it on that. We'd  
do more important stuff with the money.  
  
Sulu-Like, give you a raise?  
  
Narrator-That's a great idea!  
  
Chekov-Ha! That's not going to happen.  
  
Kirk-(Loudly) I'm putting it into my invisible pocket now!  
  
Uhura-So, should we divide into teams to find the eggs?  
  
Kirk- OK. I'm with Bones.  
  
Chekov- Sulu?  
  
Sulu- Sure.  
  
Uhura-(Pouting) Hey! What about me?  
  
Kirk-Hmmm. Maybe Scotty would like to play.  
  
Uhura-I want a woman partner. It's not fair that I'm the only woman senior  
officer!   
  
Computer-I'll be your partner, Uhura. I'm sort of a lady. At least, that's what  
Scotty calls me.  
  
McCoy-Hey! Having a non-living partner isn't fair!  
  
Computer-Watch who you're calling non-living, Buster.  
  
Sulu-What happened to your fakey sweet electronic voice?  
  
Computer-I'm on break.  
  
Kirk-(Shrugs) I don't really care if Uhura and the Computer are partners.   
  
Chekov-Wait, before we split up, I hawe a question. What's the point of the hunt?  
  
Kirk-To find the most eggs, right Bones?  
  
McCoy-Errrr.... I think so.  
  
Kirk- OK, we'll meet back here in a hour. Go!  
  
Narrator- McCoy, Kirk, Sulu and Chekov leave the bridge. Uhura looks unsure.  
She's not exactly jumping for joy at the prospect of having a computer for a  
partner.  
  
Computer- (To Uhura)What do you mean you're not happy about having me for a  
partner?  
  
Uhura- What do you mean? I'm ecstatic! (Glares at Narrator)  
  
Narrator- Well in the script it says-  
  
Computer- (Interrupting) You should be glad to have me. Want to know why?  
  
Uhura-Uhhh-  
  
Computer- (Interrupting) Because-(Sounds like it's smiling even though it  
doesn't have a mouth) I know how to cheat.  
  
Kirk's Voice- (From backstage) Hey! No cheating!  
  
Computer-It's not exactly cheating. Captain Kirk never said we couldn't do this.  
  
Uhura-(Anxious) Well? What is it?  
  
Computer-I can just get into the transporter system and lock on to all the eggs.  
Then I beam them next to us.  
  
Uhura-If you're sure it's not cheating. But then again, I'm sick of being nice,  
sweet Uhura. Always saying "Communications open, Sir" It'll be nice to cheat!  
Muahahahaha!  
  
Computer- My, my. Feeling devious today, are we? I have located the 30 eggs.  
That stupid ensign hid them all in the same place. Oh, well. That only makes it  
easier.   
  
Narrator-The eggs are beamed in front of Uhura.  
  
UBP (Unidentified Backstage Person)-Heh. Heh. Don't pay me any attention. I'm  
not hear.(Places eggs in front of Uhura)  
  
Uhura-Who are you? (UBP glares at her) I mean, uhhh. Look! There are the eggs!  
  
Narrator- You see, are special effects aren't working, so just imagine that the eggs  
were transported there.  
  
UBP- Don't tell them that!  
  
Narrator- I'm the narrator! I need to narrate!  
  
UBP- Fine! Here! (Gives a bag to Uhura, then leaves)  
  
Uhura- Huh? (Opens package) What's with the glitter? Ohhh.(Pours glitter over  
the eggs. The glitter forms a pile on the floor. It doesn't look remotely like the  
glitter came from the transporter beam) That looked really pathetic, I hope you  
know.  
  
Computer-Well, the eggs are there. I didn't have the time to give it a pretty  
arrival.  
  
Uhura-Maybe you should leave 5 eggs behind. We can't be too mean to the  
others.  
  
Computer- OK. I'll TRANSPORT 5 EGGS BACK!!(Raises voice so UBP can hear  
her)  
  
UBP- (Coming onstage grumbling) Make up your mind! I'm not going back and  
forth forever! (To Uhura) Sprinkle some more glitter, I mean transporter dust on  
the eggs.  
  
Uhura-(Looks in bag) There's no more left.  
  
UBP-(Trying to hold in his temper) Then, pick up some off the floor and sprinkle  
it over them again.  
  
Uhura-Ok, ok! (Picks up some glitter and sprinkles it over the eggs again) That  
looks really really pathetic.  
  
UBP-(Snatches up eggs and leaves) Hey don't blame me! I'm just an Unidentified  
Backstage Person.  
  
Computer- OK. I put 5 eggs back in the refrigerator.  
  
Uhura-Now we just have to wait an hour before the others come back and see that  
we've won.  
  
Narrator- We go now to McCoy and Kirk. They are walking down the corridors.  
Kirk is holding the metal stick that was in his invisible pocket out in front of him.  
It's beeping.  
  
McCoy- So what is this thing, Jim?  
  
Kirk- It's a plastic egg detector. Spock made it for me. It can show us where the  
eggs are.  
  
McCoy- Isn't that cheating?  
  
Kirk-Wellll, (Looks around, to make sure nobody is listening) I didn't exactly say  
that you couldn't use electronic devices.  
  
McCoy-(Laughing) And you deliberately didn't say that?  
  
Kirk-You know me well, Bones!  
  
Narrator-They enter the Mess Hall.  
  
Kirk-The little detector thingy says that the eggs should be in the....refrigerator?  
OK. (Turns it upside-down) That's what it says. Well, I did see Ensign  
whatshisface hanging around here. He said he was talking to the refrigerator.  
  
Refrigerator-(Unhappily) Who are you? Are you here to laugh at my disrepair?  
  
Kirk-Uhhhh.... Maybe the ensign wasn't seeing things.  
  
McCoy-Errrr.... Do you have any eggs in you?   
  
Refrigerator-(Glumly) I don't know. It's been a while since I had to remember  
anything. Nobody ever uses me.  
  
Kirk-Can we check?  
  
Refrigerator-(sadly) Sure. Why not?  
  
UBP-(Running on to stage) Wait! Don't open it yet!  
  
Kirk-What?  
  
UBP-(Opens refrigerator and pours glitter over the 30 eggs that are inside it)  
Remember? Uhura beams the eggs away just before you open it.  
  
McCoy-(Looking skeptical) Beams the eggs away?  
  
UBP-(Puts finger to his lips) Shhhh! You're not supposed to know that.  
  
McCoy-Oh. OK, I guess there aren't any eggs in here. (He closes the refrigerator  
door)  
  
Kirk-At least you'll have the opportunity of telling Spock his invention didn't  
work.  
  
McCoy-But there were- I mean- (UBP glares at him) OK, Jim. Sounds like a great  
idea! (Smiling)  
  
Kirk-The hour's almost up. We'd better go back to the bridge and see how  
everyone else did.  
  
Narrator-As soon as they leave, 5 eggs "beam" back into the refrigerator.  
  
Kirk-Hey! That's not fair!  
  
Narrator-Of course it's fair! And now we go to Sulu and Chekov.  
  
Chekov-(Walking into mess hall with Sulu) Hmmmm. I don't feel like wandering  
around the ship, do you?  
  
Sulu-Only Scotty would.  
  
Chekov-So, I figure, we'd better cheat.  
  
Sulu-OK.  
  
Chekov-(To replicator) Could you replicate plastic eggs?  
  
Replicator-I am not familiar with that dish. If you give me the recipe for plastic  
eggs, I will make it.  
  
Sulu-What are plastic eggs made out of?  
  
Chekov-I don't know. (Hopefully) Plastic?  
  
Sulu-Hmmmm. Hey! The Captain said eggs, didn't he?  
  
Chekov-Yes, why?  
  
Sulu-Well, (Whispers in Chekov's ear)  
  
Chekov-What?  
  
Sulu-I can't be louder! Then everyone will hear. (Sulu leads Chekov off stage.  
They come back on, minutes later)  
  
Chekov-(Rubs hands together) Great idea! Besides, the Keptain didn't say we  
couldn't!  
  
Narrator-And now we turn to the bridge. Everyone except Spock is present.  
Uhura is surrounded by open, empty plastic eggs. She has a dazed look on her face.  
  
Kirk-How did you manage to get all the eggs?!  
  
Uhura-(Looks at Kirk, dazed) Huh?  
  
Sulu-Actually, they got 25 eggs.  
  
Kirk-Same difference!  
  
Computer-(Smugly) I beamed them to the bridge.  
  
McCoy-(Muttering to himself) That's what the UBP meant by beaming the  
eggs! I guess I can't give him a physical, then. Wait, what am I saying? I'm a  
doctor! I can physicals to anyone I want, whenever I want!  
  
Kirk-Lieutenant, that's cheating!  
  
McCoy-(Tugs Kirk's arm) Ah, Jim? We cheated too, remember?  
  
Kirk-That's besides the point! I'm James T. Kirk! Captain of the-  
  
Uhura-(interrupting) Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other  
side! Haaahaaahaaahaaa (Falls out of chair)  
  
Kirk-What is WRONG with her?!  
  
Computer-I warned her! She ate all the jelly beans in the eggs.  
  
McCoy-(Thinking) Let's see, 25 eggs times 7 jelly beans in each one......Spock!  
Come here!  
  
Narrator-Spock enters bridge.  
  
Spock-(Mildly) You called, Doctor?  
  
McCoy-Wow. I didn't know you could hear me.  
  
Spock-Actually, I can tell when I'm needed on the bridge.  
  
McCoy-So can I. Anyway, what's 25 times 7?  
  
Spock-(Promptly)175.  
  
McCoy-(Smiling) Looks like I'm going to have to give Uhura a physical.  
  
Kirk-(Looks at Uhura) Poor her. Anyway, you may go Spock.  
  
Narrator-Spock leaves.  
  
Kirk-(Turns to Sulu) So how did you do?  
  
Sulu-(exchanges a glance with Chekov) Maybe you'd better come see, Captain.  
  
Narrator-The bridge crew goes to the Mess Hall. Inside, they find 30 chicken eggs  
in a basket.  
  
Kirk-What?  
  
Chekov-Well, Keptain. You never said we had to find plastic eggs!  
  
Kirk-It seems there was a lot of things I didn't say. Oh well, since everyone  
cheated, everyone wins! Let's have a party!  
  
McCoy-Uh, Jim. Nobody here can cook.  
  
Kirk-What are replicators for?  
  
Narrator-(Chewing on cake) Mmmpf. So, the crew has an Easter party. They  
didn't invite anyone, but word gets around, especially when it's in the script, and  
soon almost the whole crew was there. Including Spock.  
  
Spock-So, Captain. Did your hunt bear fruit?  
  
Kirk-Well, it turns out that everybody ended up sort of cheating, so we had  
fun.  
  
Spock-And you are not.... upset that everybody cheated?  
  
Kirk-No. Actually I'm not even surprised. It happens a lot.  
  
Spock-(Attempting to understand) Why don't you amend the rules so cheating is  
unnecessary?  
  
Kirk-But that wouldn't be fun!  
  
Spock-Disobeying the rules so that you win unfairly is fun? I am trying to  
understand your logic, Captain.  
  
McCoy-(Coming in time to hear Spock) I think you're fighting a losing battle, Jim.  
  
Kirk-(Not giving up) But....it's fun to show that you thought of a way to avoid the  
rules.  
  
Spock-Wouldn't it be more fun (He didn't say it but his eyebrows read "and more  
logical") to play by the rules, thus proving that you were better at the game, then  
at avoiding the rules?  
  
Kirk-Errrr.... Maybe you were right, Bones. Spock-ummm. (Turns to McCoy)  
Help me! He's winning.  
  
Spock-Cheating at an Easter egg hunt is most illogical.  
  
McCoy-Oh yeah, welll...not all human activities are logical! (Turns to Kirk) That's  
always a good comeback, if you're stuck. Remember that.  
  
Kirk-(Writing on a piece of paper) OK, I got that.  
  
Spock-(To McCoy) How is Lieutenant Uhura?  
  
McCoy-She'll be OK, after she lies down for a while.  
  
Spock-Oh, Doctor. I discovered 5 plastic eggs in the disused refridgerator. I  
believe they are left over from your hunt?  
  
McCoy-Soooo, Spock! You thought you'd join in after all, did you? Saw us having  
fun and cheating, and wanted to join in? Well, it's too late!  
  
Spock-(Innocently)Doctor, I was merely investigating the refridgerator, and I-  
  
McCoy-(Smiling)Don't play innocent with me, you Vulcan! I knew you really wanted  
to hunt for Easter eggs with us! I knew-  
  
Spock-(Muttering to Kirk while McCoy is talking)I assume you have no further  
need of these eggs, Captain?  
  
Kirk-(Smiling)You can have them, Spock. Keep them as a reminder of how  
illogical some human pastimes are.  
  
Spock-Actually, I was going to do some experiments on them. I found they are  
quite-  
  
Kirk-Fascinating. I see. Well, carry on with the experiments.  
  
Narrator-Ensign Snodgrass enters the party. He has with him dancing bunnies  
who hand out plastic eggs.   
  
(A/N-In case that doesn't make sense, go back to the beginning)  
  
Snodgrass-Look what I found in the corridors!  
  
McCoy-(Distastefully) I don't like rabbits!  
  
Kirk-Well, this was certainly memorable. (Strikes a pose) Many things have been  
accomplished. We didn't let Spock win the debate. Everyone won the Easter Egg  
hunt. And......Bones?  
  
McCoy-It was fun?  
  
Spock-That can be debated.  
  
Kirk-And it can be debated that we had fun.  
  
Narrator-The End  
  
(A/N-I must say, I enjoyed writing this. Please REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!! And now, a  
word from those of you who were kind enough to tell me what they thought)  
  
Tavia-I hope that I did a god job with your idea. I had already made the story, so I  
just added it in at the end.   
Empress Leia-Thanks for reviewing! About your story: in some ways, I miss the  
randomness in The Enterprise goes to Medora, but in someways, it's nice to see a  
story with a recognizable plot. PLEASE write more randomness! 


	3. In Which Everyone Is Invited To A Meetin...

DISCLAIMER- I don't own Star Trek, but I do own the holiday. Without me, this holiday wouldn't exist. Don't worry, it'll make sense further on.  
  
REVIEWER NOTES  
  
Empress Leia- *Gives you dots*? What's that mean? I can't wait for your graduation story! It sounds like it's about Kirk and the rest graduating from Starfleet Academy. That would be funny! Continue your Survivor story!  
  
Lorlie- Thanks for letting me use the Reese's idea. It's working out great. I've made two chapters so far.  
  
Taskemus- You can picture this in an actual episode? Woah. That would be one weird show. The props are already sad enough. But the transporter glitter.........  
  
Tavia- Thanks for reviewing! I love the new title for React. Chicken Noodle Soup for the Trekkie Soul. It's great! Especially the reference to chicken noodle soup, hee hee.   
  
(A/N- You thought I was done with this story, huh? I'm back! Now it's a different holiday, one that takes place on July 2.)  
  
CHAPTER 3 In Which Everyone Is Invited To A Meeting  
  
Narrator- The scene is Kirk's room. He's lying on his bed. McCoy knocks on the door.  
  
Kirk- Zzzzzzzzz. Huh? Go away.  
  
McCoy- No! Let me in!  
  
Kirk- I just had three pieces of cake, 35 jelly beans, and two glasses of beer. I'm tired!  
  
McCoy- It's important!  
  
Kirk- (Perks up) Are we being attacked by someone insane, evil, or out for revenge?  
  
McCoy- We will be if you don't let me in.  
  
Kirk- Okay!  
  
Narrator- Kirk tells the computer to open the door.  
  
Kirk- Computer, open the door.  
  
Computer- Zzzzzzzzzzzz.  
  
Kirk- Even the computer's asleep!  
  
McCoy- I didn't know computers slept.  
  
Kirk- Maybe they recharge their energy cells or something.  
  
McCoy- *Soooo*..... How do I get in?  
  
Kirk- Open the door!  
  
McCoy- How? The computer's asleep!  
  
Kirk- You open it with your hands! Haven't you ever opened doors manually?  
  
McCoy- I think so, but it's been awhile.  
  
Narrator- McCoy shoves the door open and comes inside.  
  
Kirk- Have you ever thought that people rely too much on computers? That maybe people are getting lazy and we should dump the computers and do all the work ourselves?  
  
McCoy- No.  
  
Kirk- Neither have I.  
  
Narrator- *I* have. All except the "do all the work ourselves" part. We should just hire robots.  
  
McCoy- Robots *are* computers. Sort of.  
  
Narrator- Oh. Then we should just get slaves.  
  
McCoy- Slavery is illegal.   
  
Narrator- So what?  
  
McCoy- Ooooh, Is the narrator breaking the law? Tsk, tsk.  
  
Kirk- Anyway, what was that thing you were saying, Bones? About someone who was evil, insane or out for revenge?  
  
McCoy- Oh yeah! (Looks serious) I just found out that the Author's birthday is tomorrow.  
  
Kirk- Author? Oh! You mean PearlGirl-  
  
McCoy- (interrupting) Shhhhhh!   
  
Kirk- Why?  
  
McCoy- Well, I was talking to Alania-  
  
Kirk- Alania?  
  
McCoy- Arrrrgh! That's her sister, okay?  
  
Kirk- Okay, I get it!  
  
McCoy- And she said that PearlGirl's birthday is coming up.   
  
Kirk- (groans) Don't tell me. You want to do something for her birthday.  
  
McCoy- Hey, it's not like I *want* to work overtime, but who knows what she'll do if we don't?  
  
Kirk- Is she the evil, insane, and out for revenge person?  
  
McCoy- Yup.  
  
(dramatic pause)  
  
Kirk- Sooooooo...... What do we do?   
  
McCoy- Let's see. We need food, games and a room to have it in.  
  
Kirk- We can just replicate food, and we'll use the mess hall. But I don't know about games.   
  
McCoy- Let's call a meeting in the conference room.   
  
Kirk- Who should I say has to come?  
  
McCoy- Everyone who's important.  
  
Kirk- But some red-shirts *think* that they're important!  
  
McCoy- Say anyone without a red shirt.  
  
Kirk- But Scotty wears red!  
  
McCoy- Say that ensigns are banned.  
  
Kirk- But then Yeoman Rand will come!  
  
McCoy- I thought you liked Yeoman Rand.  
  
Kirk- Oh yeah. I did, didn't I?  
  
McCoy- Well, she's pretty useless unless you want coffee. Say you can only come if you have a name besides Red-shirt.  
  
Kirk- But then that stupid, clumsy, curious ensign with the forgettable name will come!  
  
McCoy- Oh! We certainly don't want him! Say that there's a monster in the conference room. That way no ensign will want to come.  
  
Kirk- But Chekov and Sulu might not want to come either!  
  
McCoy- Arrrgh! I don't know! You're the captain! You figure it out!  
  
Kirk- But captains are supposed to be brave and kill people! Figuring out how not to include people in a meeting isn't in the job description!  
  
McCoy- I'm a doctor, Jim, not a invitation! Just do it! And make sure PearlGirl doesn't find out! It should be a surprise.  
  
Narrator- McCoy leaves.  
  
Kirk- (grumbles) Ugh. What do I do? I know!  
  
Narrator- Kirk happens to find a loud speaker in his room.  
  
Kirk- (into loud speaker) Whoever has made an appearance and said lines in any of PearlGirl's stories, please report to the conference room.   
  
Narrator- You have to say *which* conference room!  
  
Kirk- How many conference rooms do we have?  
  
Narrator- Uhhhhhhhh......  
  
Kirk- (into loud speaker) Just be there, Okay?  
  
Narrator- Kirk turns off the speaker. Then we move to the next scene. We see a conference room that is stuffed with people. There's, let's see if I can list them: Kirk, Chekov, Spock, Sulu, Uhura, Scotty, McCoy, Nurse Chapel, Yeoman Rand, Ensign......?  
  
Snodgrass- It's SNODGRASS!!! Why does everyone forget?!  
  
Narrator- Where was I? Ensign Snodgrass, PearlGirl, Q, Dr. Death, UBP, and replicas of Kirk, Sulu, Spock, McCoy, Chekov and Uhura, that are about 6 years old.   
  
Kirk- What??? What are you all doing here?  
  
PearlGirl- You said anyone who has made an appearance and said any lines.   
  
Kirk- I didn't mean all these people!  
  
Dr. Death- Well, SORRY! I have more important things to do anyway.  
  
McCoy- Dare I ask what?  
  
Dr. Death- It's an experiment that will-, wait. I can't tell you. It's a secret. But you can come with me and try it out.  
  
McCoy- I don't think so.  
  
Kirk- Everybody LEAVE!!!!  
  
Q- I don't *want* to go! I want to stay and embarrass you!  
  
PearlGirl- Too bad! I say everyone goes but the Enterprise crew!  
  
All who aren't the Enterprise crew-Fine! (stick out tongues)  
  
Narrator- They all leave. Now we just have PearlGirl, McCoy, Kirk, Chekov, Sulu, Ensign whatever, Spock, Yeoman Rand, Nurse Chapel, Scotty and Uhura.   
  
Chapel- Unless I'm really needed, I'd better go. There are some red-shirted ensigns in need of surgery!  
  
Kirk- You can leave.  
  
Narrator- Chapel leaves.  
  
McCoy- I don't see why she bothers fixing them up. They just come back the next day with another life-threatening problem. There's no point!  
  
Spock- It is her job to save people from dying. As is yours, doctor.  
  
McCoy- Yeah, but with people who are going to die anyway.....  
  
Spock- All people die.  
  
McCoy- But the next *day*?  
  
Spock- It is not possible to know when someone is going to die. You could die tomorrow. It is a possibility.  
  
McCoy- You just don't understand the power of red-shirts!  
  
Spock- That is correct. I do not.  
  
PearlGirl- Why'd you call this meeting anyway? Besides to listen to Bones and Spock argue.  
  
Kirk- *You're* here?!  
  
PearlGirl- Ummm.... *yeaahh*!  
  
Kirk- We're not doing *anything*! Nothing interesting whatsoever! You can leave.  
  
PearlGirl- No! I'm not leaving!  
  
McCoy- But you said all who isn't the Enterprise crew has to leave! You're not part of the crew!  
  
PearlGirl- Phooey!  
  
Kirk- Good one, Bones!  
  
PearlGirl- All right. But you haven't seen the last of me! I'll be back to find out what you're doing if it's the last thing I do! Muahahahahaha!!  
  
Narrator- PearlGirl leaves.   
  
Kirk- Good. She almost found out what we're doing!  
  
Sulu- What *are* we doing?  
  
McCoy- We're planning a celebration for her. It's her birthday tomorrow.  
  
Chekov- We could have a Russian party!  
  
(Pause)  
  
All but Spock & Chekov- I don't think so.  
  
Chekov- (pouting) Nobody appreciates Russia.  
  
Sulu- And this is a bad thing?  
  
Rand- Would anybody like some coffee?  
  
(Pause)  
  
Sulu- What'd you do to it?  
  
Rand- What do you mean by *that*?  
  
Kirk- Not right now, thank you.  
  
McCoy- Does anyone have any suggestions for the party?  
  
Uhura- Ooo! I LOVE planning things! Let me do it!  
  
Kirk- No. I'm the captain.  
  
Uhura- (sticks out tongue) Well humf!  
  
Kirk- But if you have any ideas......  
  
Scotty- In Scotland we have ye drink as many shot glasses are you are old!  
  
Kirk- That would be...... a lot. She's in her teens.  
  
McCoy- I don't think PearlGirl drinks.   
  
Scotty- What? I start'd drink'n when I was just a wee lad. I think I was 5!  
  
Narrator- They all stare at him.  
  
Sulu- (whispers) That must have been what caused the brain damage.  
  
McCoy- And besides, think of how crazy she could get.   
  
Kirk- (whistles) And if you consider how crazy she is now....  
  
(dramatic pause)  
  
Scotty- You don't get drunk off just a couple of drinks!  
  
Kirk- Over ten is quite a bit.  
  
Scotty- Nonsense! I drank my age just a few years back.  
  
Narrator- They all stare at him again.  
  
Scotty- Come on now, I'm not *that* old!  
  
Spock- I believe that most human cultures have a birthday cake in celebration of the day they were born.  
  
McCoy- How would you know? Don't you think it's illogical?  
  
Spock- Yes, it is. I attended your birthday last year, doctor.  
  
McCoy- Oh yeah! The one were Sulu gave me a paint bomb that was supposed to go off when I opened the present, and then it didn't! That was so funny! And when you were trying to examine it as to why it didn't work, it exploded in your face! I remember your face got full of paint! Ha ha!  
  
Narrator- McCoy collapses laughing. Spock looks stern. Apparently he doesn't like being reminded of one of his more embarrassing moments.  
  
Spock- Actually, Narrator, that is incorrect. Vulcans do not have embarrassing moments. I was not embarrassed.  
  
McCoy- Yeah, right!  
  
Kirk- Know what, Sulu? Make sure you don't get PearlGirl a paint bomb for her birthday, okay?  
  
Sulu- But it was funny!  
  
Kirk- That's an order, Mister Sulu!  
  
Sulu- Fine.  
  
Rand- Would anyone like some coffee *now*?  
  
Kirk- I don't think so.  
  
Rand- But it's my *special* coffee!  
  
McCoy- Since when is replicated coffee special?  
  
Rand- But I took all the trouble to bring it up here! That makes it pretty special!  
  
Chekov- Russian coffee is better.  
  
Rand- Is not!  
  
Chekov- Is too!  
  
Rand- Is not!  
  
Chekov- Is too!  
  
Rand- Is not!  
  
Chekov- Have you even tried Russian coffee?  
  
Rand- No, but mine's better!  
  
Kirk- So we use the Mess Hall. We replicate food and a cake. We just need a game. Where's she from?  
  
McCoy- Alania said they live in Michigan.  
  
Kirk- Okay. What's a Michigan game?  
  
(pause)  
  
Uhura- In Africa we-  
  
Kirk- We're not IN Africa, are we?  
  
Uhura- But-  
  
Kirk- But nothing!  
  
McCoy- How 'bout..... PIÑATA!!  
  
Sulu- Huh?  
  
Kirk- Huh?  
  
Uhura- Huh?  
  
Spock- That word has no meaning to me.  
  
Scotty- Huh?  
  
Rand- Would anyone like coffee?  
  
McCoy- No!  
  
Narrator- Huh?  
  
Chekov- Huh?  
  
Snodgrass- Huh?  
  
Kirk- What are you doing here, ensign?  
  
Snodgrass- You never told me to leave!  
  
Kirk- (groans)  
  
McCoy- A piñata is that thing with candy in it that you hit with a stick!  
  
Sulu- Oh!  
  
Kirk- Oh!  
  
Uhura- Oh!  
  
Spock- I see.  
  
Scotty- Oh!  
  
Rand- Would anyone like coffee, *now*?  
  
McCoy- No!  
  
Narrator- Oh!  
  
Chekov- Oh!   
  
Snodgrass- Oh!  
  
Kirk- That should work. Bones, you get the piñata and the stick. Everyone here has to meet me in two hours to set up the party.   
  
Uhura- Do we *have* to?  
  
Rand- How about some coffee?  
  
McCoy- Has it ever *occurred* to you that nobody *wants* your coffee?!  
  
Rand- (blinks) Who wouldn't want my coffee?  
  
Kirk- See you in two hours! Dismissed!  
  
(A/N- That's the end of that chapter. Be sure to review!) 


	4. It's Party Time

DISCLAIMER- I don't own Star Trek. I do own this holiday, though. Finally, something that's mine!  
  
REVIEWER NOTES-  
  
Taskemus- Thanks for reviewing. I loved bringing all my character together.  
  
Tavia- Glad you like it. I always thought it would be nice to have the characters from Star Trek celebrate my birthday.  
  
IIShameekaII- Yeah, madness is fun. That was one of my favorite lines too. I love making all the characters in my story respond to the same thing. It's fun to make up their reactions. I also love showing up in my own story.  
  
(A/N- I'm back! My birthday was actually July 2nd, so this is a bit late, but I was on vacation for my birthday. It's close enough.)   
  
CHAPTER 4- It's Party Time  
  
Narrator- Now we are in the Mess Hall, the next day. Kirk, Spock, the ensign, McCoy, Chekov, Sulu, Rand, Uhura and Scotty are all there. McCoy has a ball on a string and a bat.   
  
Kirk- Is that your piñata?  
  
McCoy- Yup.  
  
Kirk- Now, Uhura, you can help me.  
  
Uhura- But I'm a *lady*!  
  
Kirk- Then you'll be the perfect person to replicate some food!  
  
Narrator- Uhura grumbles, then goes over to the replicator.  
  
Uhura- One big cake with the words "Happy Birthday PearlGirl" on it.  
  
Narrator- The cake appears.  
  
Uhura- Let's see. Ice cream, orange soda, cookies, brownies, chips......  
  
Narrator- Uhura orders all the food.   
  
Kirk- Okay. Now we have to surprise her. Everyone get behind tables and stuff.  
  
  
  
Spock- This is illogical, Captain.  
  
Kirk- That's an order, Mister Spock!  
  
Spock- Yes, Captain.  
  
Narrator- Everyone but McCoy hides behind tables and stuff.  
  
Kirk- You! The Narrator! You have to hide too! (grabs Narrator and shoves him behind the table)  
  
Sulu- We're all ready.  
  
Spock- Ready for what?  
  
McCoy- When PearlGirl comes in, you jump out and say surprise.  
  
Spock- That is entirely illogical.  
  
McCoy- So we've heard.  
  
Rand- Anybody want some coffee?  
  
All but Spock- Shhhhhh!!  
  
Kirk- Okay, Bones! Go find PearlGirl!  
  
PearlGirl- (comes into room) That won't be necessary.  
  
Kirk- What are you doing here? I mean, SURPRISE! (jumps out)  
  
(Pause)  
  
All but Spock and Kirk- SURPRISE! (jump out)  
  
Spock- Happy.... birthday.  
  
PearlGirl- Why thank you, Spock.  
  
Kirk- How'd you know?  
  
PearlGirl- *Hello*! I'm the Author! Hee hee. I wrote it! Of course I know what you're doing.   
  
Kirk- (groans) Oh well. At least we got you a party.  
  
Chekov- I'm hungry! Refreshments first!  
  
PearlGirl- No! I want to do the piñata first!  
  
Kirk- Okay. Whatever the birthday girl wants.  
  
PearlGirl- Cool!  
  
Narrator- Everyone waits while McCoy tries to tie up the piñata.  
  
McCoy- It's not going to work. This ceiling is too smooth. I need duct tape!  
  
PearlGirl- Here, borrow mine. I always have it handy.   
  
McCoy- Thanks.  
  
Narrator- They get the piñata up.   
  
Kirk- Form a line!   
  
Snodgrass- Can I go first?  
  
Kirk- We're doing it in order of rank.  
  
Sulu- Ha!   
  
Narrator- First it's PearlGirl, then Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty, Uhura, Sulu, Chekov, Rand, Snodgrass.   
  
Chekov- Do you vant to play?  
  
Narrator- Nah. I'd better not.   
  
PearlGirl- Why?  
  
Narrator- It's not in the plot.  
  
PearlGirl- There isn't really a plot.  
  
Sulu- Cool! No plot!  
  
PearlGirl- The only plot is my birthday party.  
  
Kirk- Go ahead, PearlGirl.  
  
Narrator- PearlGirl lets Kirk blindfold her. Then she steps up to the piñata. She takes a swing and hits the piñata dead on. It makes a small dent.  
  
Kirk- Wow!  
  
Chekov- Good swing.  
  
PearlGirl- I could have broken it, since I control the plot. But I decided not to.  
  
Kirk- Me next!  
  
Narrator- Kirk puts on the blindfold. Then he swings at the piñata. And misses.  
  
Kirk-Arrrgh! Take that you stupid piñata! I'll get you! You're no match for Captain James T. Kirk!  
  
Spock- Why are you attempting to communicate with an inanimate object?  
  
McCoy- I think he's pretending it's a Klingon.  
  
Spock- Why would the captain do that?  
  
McCoy- (shrugs) He's the captain.  
  
Spock- That is not a sufficient answer.  
  
McCoy- Maybe it don't KNOW a sufficient answer!  
  
Spock- I see.  
  
Kirk- Come and get me! All I've got is this stick!  
  
Narrator- Kirk takes a third and final swing. And misses.   
  
PearlGirl- Sorry, Kirk. Only three swings apiece. Unless you hit it of course.  
  
Kirk- Stupid piñata!!  
  
Narrator- Kirk throws down the blindfold and goes back to the end of the line with PearlGirl.  
  
Spock- I wish to pass up my turn. I have no desire to try and hit a paper ball with a bat in order to get candy.  
  
PearlGirl- But it's FUN!  
  
Spock- I do not wish to participate.  
  
Kirk- That's an order, Mister Spock!  
  
Spock- Yes, Captain.  
  
Narrator- Spock puts on the blindfold and stands up in front of the piñata for a few seconds, not moving.  
  
McCoy- Well, Spock? Aren't you going to hit it?  
  
Spock- Silence, Doctor. I am attempting to determine the piñata' s current location by listening. Because it has not come to a stop in the air, I can hear it swinging slightly.   
  
McCoy- (rolls eyes) You go ahead, Spock.  
  
Narrator- After a few minutes, Spock carefully swings the bat. It connects with the piñata, but doesn't do any damage. It just makes it go swinging through the air.  
  
Spock- Hmmm. Apparently I did not use the required amount of force to break the piñata. I will have to redo my calculations.......  
  
Narrator- Spock goes to the back of the line, muttering complex equations.  
  
McCoy- Okaaaay then. My turn!  
  
Narrator- McCoy puts on the blindfold and steps up to the piñata, which is still spinning from Spock's hit.   
  
McCoy- I'm going to try it Spock's way. I'll show him how I can do it better!  
  
Sulu- You? Ha!  
  
McCoy- Be quiet! Must I remind you that I am a physical-giving doctor and you are a lowly helmsman?  
  
Sulu- Thanks for rubbing it in.  
  
Narrator- McCoy stands still for about two minutes.  
  
McCoy- I give up! I can't hear the stupid thing!  
  
Kirk- Well, Vulcans have better ears.  
  
McCoy- My ears are just fine!   
  
Narrator- McCoy takes the bat and swings. He misses the piñata by about a mile.  
  
McCoy- Thanks a lot!  
  
Spock- Actually it was closer to 5.423 inches.   
  
McCoy- Big difference!  
  
Spock- Correct, doctor. There is a big difference.  
  
McCoy- I was being sarcastic! Do you know what it means??  
  
Spock- Sarcasm is defined as a tone of voice, used to-  
  
McCoy- I know what it means, you green-blooded Vulcan!  
  
Narrator- He takes another swing and misses.  
  
McCoy- I think it would have been a lot easier if I had gotten a piñata shaped like Spock's head!  
  
Spock- I do not see how that would improve your accuracy.  
  
McCoy- Because I'd try harder so I could hurt you!  
  
Spock- Why would you wish to harm me? It is illogical.  
  
Narrator- McCoy lashes out with the bat and strikes Spock on the shoulder.   
  
McCoy- Logical or not, I just did it!  
  
Narrator- Fortunately for Spock, McCoy was blindfolded and not all that strong. So he really didn't get hurt all that much.  
  
Spock- Captain, why are you entrusting Doctor McCoy with such blunt objects?  
  
McCoy- Arrrrgh! Can I tie Spock on a string and pretend he's the piñata? Please? Jim, you're my friend!  
  
PearlGirl- Now, Bones. Don't get violent.   
  
Scotty- Can it be my turn?  
  
PearlGirl- Bones, behave yourself or you'll have to sit in the Time Out chair.   
  
(Everyone gasps)  
  
McCoy- Okay, okay. At least Spock didn't bust it open. Then I'd go crazy.  
  
Spock- I fail to see-  
  
Kirk- Spock, you'd better stop.  
  
Spock- Stop?  
  
Kirk- Yes. Stop.  
  
Spock- Yes, Captain.  
  
Narrator- Scotty gets the blindfold and steps up to the piñata.  
  
Scotty- (tries to lift bat) Wow. This is heavy. Last time I had to lift something like this was quite a while ago.  
  
Narrator- Scotty swings three times. His last try hits the piñata but doesn't dent it.  
  
Rand- Would anyone like coffee?  
  
Kirk- We're right in the middle of a game of piñata.   
  
Rand- So?  
  
Uhura- My turn!  
  
Narrator- Uhura goes up to the piñata.  
  
Chekov- Hey! You need a blindfold!  
  
Uhura- But I'm a *lady*! I shouldn't need a blindfold!  
  
Kirk- Too bad. We have to be fair.   
  
Uhura- Hmmpf.   
  
Narrator- Uhura picks up the bat. She makes three pitiful swings that don't hit the piñata.  
  
Uhura- Pitiful? Who are you calling PITIFUL??  
  
Narrator- (hastily) Nobody. She goes to the back and Sulu takes the bat and blindfold.  
  
Sulu- Cool. This should be easy, since I'm so good a martial arts.  
  
McCoy- Yeah, yeah, whatever. Stop pumping up your ego and get on with it. I want another turn!  
  
Kirk- I don't know if you get another turn. After what you did to Spock.  
  
Spock- I am not harmed, Captain.  
  
Narrator- Sulu takes advantage of this distraction and takes off his blindfold. Then he swings and hits the piñata.  
  
Sulu- I did it!  
  
Narrator- But it didn't break. It's still hanging, but it now has two dents.  
  
Kirk- What? How'd you do that?  
  
Chekov- He vas cheating! I saw him! He took off his blindfold!  
  
Sulu- (Sticks out tongue) Tattler!  
  
Kirk- Bad Sulu! You have to sit out the rest of the game! No cheating!  
  
Sulu- (pouts)  
  
Narrator- Sulu goes off in a corner to pout.  
  
Chekov- I'm next!  
  
Narrator- Chekov steps up to the piñata.  
  
Chekov- In Russia we have something sort of like this. It's a wery fun game vhere the goal is to try and stay in the game as long as possible, and get eweryone else out. I alvays vin. I am wery good at that sort of thing. One time-  
  
Kirk- I don't want a Russian lecture, Mister Chekov!! Just get on with it!  
  
Chekov- Yes, Keptin.  
  
Narrator- Chekov picks up the bat.  
  
Chekov- They make bats like this in Russia, but they usually have a better grip. They also are smoother-  
  
Kirk- Mister Chekov!  
  
Chekov- Sorry, Keptin.  
  
Narrator- Chekov swings three times and misses all of them.  
  
McCoy- I take it the piñatas in Russia are easier to hit, eh?  
  
Chekov- (Icily) They don't have piñatas in Russia!  
  
McCoy- And that makes them bad?   
  
Chekov- So America is better, is it?  
  
McCoy- Well, at least there it isn't so cold that ice freezes!  
  
Chekov- How can ice freeze, Mister Know-it-all? It's already frozen!  
  
Uhura- I thought Spock was Mister Know-it-all.  
  
Kirk- Bones, I thought arguing with Spock was your thing. It seems you like arguing with Mister Chekov too.  
  
McCoy- He's just a sore loser 'cause he didn't hit it.  
  
Chekov- Neither did you!  
  
Rand- Anyone up for some coffee?  
  
Narrator- Everyone but Spock and Kirk stare at her angrily.  
  
Kirk- I think it's your turn, Yeoman.  
  
Rand- Okay. But I think that I should get to take off the blindfold. Otherwise I might chip my fingernails.  
  
Uhura- (gasps mockingly) Oh no!  
  
Rand- And I'm a *lady*!  
  
Kirk- Okay. After all, we want you to have perfect nails, don't we?  
  
Uhura- What?! You let *her* get off without the blindfold because she's a lady, but not me?!  
  
Kirk- Well, she acts more like a lady.  
  
Uhura- Yeah, I suppose you're right. HITTING the CAPTAIN over the HEAD with a BAT isn't LADY-LIKE now, IS IT??  
  
Kirk- Heh. Heh. Are you hinting at something?  
  
Uhura- (innocently) Why would I hint?  
  
Rand- That's okay. I don't want to hit the piñata. My coffee's getting cold. I'll go warm it up.  
  
Narrator- Rand rushes away with her coffee tray.  
  
Kirk- It's Ensign Whatever's turn.  
  
Snodgrass- My name is Ensign Snodgrass!   
  
Kirk- (snaps fingers) That was it! I keep forgetting! Snodgrass!  
  
Narrator- Snodgrass reaches for the bat and blindfold from Chekov.  
  
PearlGirl- Wait. You're giving that red-shirt a BAT??  
  
Kirk- Good point. Maybe this game is too dangerous.  
  
Scotty- I think the poor wee mite can do it.  
  
PearlGirl- Come on! That ensign manages to hurt himself in every episode!   
  
Scotty- It's just a sport. How much damage can he do?  
  
McCoy- (whistles) Let's just see, why don't we?  
  
PearlGirl- Okay. But don't say I didn't warn you.   
  
Narrator- Chekov ties the blindfold around the ensign's eyes and gives him the bat.  
  
Snodgrass- So I just swing at the piñata?  
  
Kirk- Yup.  
  
Snodgrass- But where *is* the piñata?  
  
McCoy- That's the whole POINT of the game! You try and guess where it is!  
  
Snodgrass- Oh.   
  
Narrator- The red-shirt swings the bat in the direction that he *thinks* is near the piñata. It turns out to be closer to Uhura's head.  
  
Uhura- Arrrgh! Get that bat-wielding ensign out of my face!  
  
Snodgrass- Sorry.   
  
PearlGirl- Strike one!  
  
Spock- I believe, Author, that the term you are using refers to baseball.  
  
PearlGirl- It can refer to anything I want it to!  
  
Narrator- Then ensign swings the bat again and it's too high. It ends up getting wound up in the string.  
  
Snodgrass- Darn it!  
  
PearlGirl- Strike two!  
  
Narrator- He gets it untangled and swings again. He hits it.  
  
Snodgrass- I did?  
  
McCoy- He did?  
  
All but Spock- He DID??  
  
Narrator- Yup. But it wasn't very hard. The piñata swings a little bit, then it begins to spin. It spins right towards the ensign's head.  
  
All but Spock- Watch out for the piñata!  
  
(Crash)  
  
Narrator- The piñata hits the ensign on the head and knocks him out cold. But the piñata bursts open.  
  
Scotty- That lad's got a hard skull.  
  
PearlGirl- Wait, where's all the candy?  
  
Kirk- Yeah. Piñatas are supposed to have candy  
  
Chekov- Who got the piñata anyway?  
  
Kirk- Bones did.  
  
McCoy- Chekov did. I swear it!  
  
Chekov- Russians aren't stupid! Uhura got the piñata!  
  
Uhura- No! PearlGirl did!  
  
PearlGirl- I did not! I think it was Scotty!  
  
Scotty- T'wasn't me. You're the Author, ye should know it was Sulu.  
  
Sulu- (comes back from pouting in the corner) No! It was the Narrator!  
  
Narrator- I think it was the captain!  
  
Kirk- Was not!  
  
Spock- It was Doctor McCoy.  
  
Narrator- Everyone stares at McCoy, except the unconscious ensign and Yeoman Rand who is making more coffee.  
  
PearlGirl- You were supposed to fill it with candy.  
  
McCoy- I'm a doctor, not a candy factory! I couldn't find any!  
  
Kirk- Isn't that what replicators are for?  
  
Narrator- McCoy stares at Kirk with an expression that says "Why didn't *I* think of that?" Then he hits himself on the head.  
  
McCoy- Boy, am I stupid!  
  
PearlGirl- You can say that again!  
  
McCoy- Hey!   
  
Chekov- Can we go have the cake and brownies now?  
  
Narrator- At the mention of cake, everyone forgets about arguing and runs over to the cake. Actually, everyone BUT Spock does this. He just camly follows after them. They forget all about the unconscious ensign that they left on the floor.  
  
Sulu- What ensign?  
  
Narrator- McCoy starts sticking candles in the cake.  
  
Uhura- No, no! You're doing it all wrong! Give it to me!  
  
Narrator- Uhura snatches the candles and starts delicately placing them in the cake.  
  
Uhura- You have to make it pretty!  
  
McCoy- Sheesh. I'm a doctor, not a cake decorator.  
  
Kirk- You know, Bones. I think you over-use that line.  
  
McCoy- WHAT?? That's my special line! You can't take it away!  
  
Kirk- But you use it every sentence!  
  
Spock- Incorrect, Captain. He uses it, on average, 4.67 times per show.  
  
Kirk- That's TOO much!  
  
McCoy- But it's my SPECIAL line!  
  
Chekov- You still have your "He's dead Jim" line.  
  
Kirk- We can't cut that out!  
  
PearlGirl- Who's going to light the candles now??  
  
Narrator- Everyone ignores her. They're still arguing about lines. Even Scotty's talking about his miracles.  
  
Scotty- I think I should get more miracles in each show!  
  
PearlGirl- Isn't somebody going to stop me?? I might burn something down!  
  
Narrator- Then the ensign wakes up.  
  
Snodgrass- Hmmm? Why am I covered in band-aids? Did I get hurt?  
  
PearlGirl- (to Snodgrass) Do you want to light the candles? That should get their attention.  
  
Snodgrass- What do you mean?  
  
PearlGirl- Here. (gives match to Snodgrass)  
  
Narrator- Snodgrass walks over and takes the match.  
  
PearlGirl- The ENSIGN who NOBODY remembers his NAME is going to LIGHT the CANDLES now!  
  
Narrator- Everyone freezes. Then they rush over.  
  
All but Spock- NO! STOP!  
  
Narrator- Kirk grabs the match from the ensign.  
  
Kirk- Oh, no you don't! I don't want to be blown to kingdom come!  
  
Spock- Kingdom come?  
  
Kirk- It's an *expression*, Spock.  
  
Narrator- Who's going to light the candles?  
  
Uhura- I will. Since *I'm* a lady!  
  
Kirk- Okay. Just don't light it on fire!  
  
Uhura- I can do this.  
  
Narrator- Uhura carefully lights all the candles.  
  
PearlGirl- Yeah! It's my birthday!  
  
Scotty- Now we have to sing to ye.  
  
Spock- Sing?  
  
McCoy- Yeah. The birthday song.  
  
McCoy & Kirk & Snodgrass & Yeoman Rand- (singing) Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear PearlGirl, happy birthday to you.  
  
Scotty- (Something in Scottish)  
  
Sulu- (Something in Japanese)  
  
Uhura- (Something in Swahili)  
  
Chekov- (Something in Russian)  
  
McCoy- What was that you guys were singing?  
  
Chekov- I vas singing it in Russian.  
  
McCoy- Figures.  
  
Kirk- Blow out the candles.  
  
Narrator- PearlGirl blows them out in one breath.  
  
McCoy- Did you make a wish?  
  
PearlGirl- Yup.  
  
Sulu- What was it?  
  
PearlGirl- Wouldn't *you* like to know.  
  
Chekov- Now ve can eat!  
  
Narrator- Everyone eats the cake and all the food Uhura replicated. We won't talk about that because it's uninteresting.  
  
Kirk- What do you mean? Anything with me in it is interesting!  
  
Sulu- Yeah, right!  
  
Narrator- All we'll say is that nobody drank Rand's coffee. Except herself, that is.  
  
Sulu- Come on, ensign. Have some coffee!  
  
Snodgrass- I couldn't drink any! I'm a red-shirt!  
  
McCoy- Don't try to kill off the ensign, Sulu.  
  
Narrator- Now it's the end of the party.  
  
PearlGirl- That was great, guys. I-  
  
Uhura- Cough, cough!  
  
PearlGirl- (rolls eyes) That was great, GUYS and GIRLS. I had lots of fun! It was the best birthday party ever! But I really must go. I have tons of new ideas that I want to work on.  
  
Kirk- (innocently) Are you going to be nicer to us now that we threw you a party?  
  
PearlGirl- Dream on! I haven't even gotten started yet!  
  
Spock- The captain is not dreaming.  
  
McCoy- It's an *expression*, Spock!  
  
PearlGirl- Well, I'd better go.  
  
Narrator- PearlGirl leaves.  
  
McCoy- Well, that worked out okay.  
  
Kirk- Except for you forgetting to put anything in the piñata!  
  
Sulu- And Rand's coffee!  
  
Chekov- And the ensign almost blowing up the ship!  
  
Snodgrass- I didn't even light the match!  
  
Sulu- Thank goodness you didn't.  
  
(Pause)  
  
McCoy- I really like holidays. (smiles) In fact, I'm going to make a holiday in honor of me.  
  
Kirk- What? How about in honor of your favorite starship captain?  
  
McCoy- But he died awhile ago.  
  
Kirk- No! I mean ME!  
  
McCoy- Oh. Anyway, It's going to be great!  
  
Chekov- Vhy don't ve celebrate a Russian holiday?  
  
Sulu- How about not!  
  
Uhura- We could make National Womens' day!  
  
Snodgrass- Should we have a Red-shirt day?  
  
Kirk- You mean where we kill off red-shirts? Not a bad idea.  
  
McCoy- No! I'm the only one making a holiday.  
  
Scotty- How can ye make up a holiday?  
  
McCoy- I think I'm going to have a little chat with the Author. See you next chapter!  
  
(A/N- R/R! I'll have the next chapter up something. Another holiday, in honor of McCoy. It's going to be..... interesting.) 


End file.
